Who You Work With Matters: Why Your Circle Shapes Your Success

Your happiness, energy, and success are deeply shaped by the people you surround yourself with — at work and in life. 

In this second episode of a Mini-Series on Workplace Happiness, Jill breaks down why who you work with matters and how even one aligned, supportive person can radically shift your engagement and purpose. 

 You’ll learn:
 • The surprising research behind the power of one trusted colleague
 • How to recognize when someone is draining your energy
 • Simple ways to protect your peace in environments you can’t change
 • How to evaluate your circle through values, trust, and alignment
 • Why intentional relationships amplify your strengths and accelerate growth 

Tune in, get clarity on your circle, and make room for the people who lift you higher. 

Discover Your Core Values:  My Values Journal

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Transcript

Jill O'Boyle (00:05.368)
Hey friends, welcome back to your life, your story, Rise Up podcast. I'm your host, Jill O'Boyle, and I am so glad you landed here with me today. If you are joining me for the first time, I want you to know that we're in the middle of a mini series on the five pillars of workplace happiness, transforming the way that you work, you live, and you thrive. So the last episode, we discussed pillar number one.

which is unleashing your strengths and pillar number two, blending those strengths with your passions. And so today we're gonna continue on with this mini series and we're gonna dive into pillar number three, which is who you work with. So this one might hit differently with you because I don't know if you realize this or not, but your success, your happiness, your energy are massively

influenced by the people you surround yourself with. So, and I'm not just talking about your coworkers or your boss. I'm also talking about your teammates, your mentors, your friends, your circle of influence. And yes, even the people that you just might think are just there. They're just there. So in this episode, we're going to unpack why the people around you matter.

more than you might realize. We're gonna share some real life examples. I'm gonna give you tools to just evaluate like your own work relationships, your relationships in your life currently. And so my hope is by the end, you're gonna have a clear perspective on whether the people in your life are lifting you up or are they holding you back. So this whole series,

it developed from an awesome episode I had with Melissa St. John, unpacking our five pillars to workplace happiness. And so the thing that I loved about my conversation with Melissa on her five pillars was that everything she said can be found in research and in faith and scripture. So now she didn't really say that on the podcast. She just shared these.

Jill O'Boyle (02:28.365)
lessons based on her own life, the things that she's kind of learned along the way. But everything she said, I agreed on, but I also just really wanted to dig further and provide additional context in case you thought we were just giving you a bunch of fluff. Because there was a lot of things that we were unpacking and I was like, my gosh, I understand this. This happened to me. And we were storytelling, right? Which is, I think, the best way to learn.

But if you're the person that also needs hardcore research or you want things to be backed up, I get that, because I'm that way myself. And so I want to dig further into those pillars and bring you that research, bring you some of that science behind the things that we are talking about, as well as how this can be found in scripture as well. So for this particular pillar, who you work with matters.

Check out what I found by Gallup when I looked into their research. Gallup has found that having even one trusted colleague at work can make a huge difference in your engagement and your sense of purpose. Just one. Just one. So think about that. Just one person who truly sees you, believes in you, has your back,

can literally change the trajectory of your day, your month, and your career. One person.

one person. Think about who that person is for you. Who is that person?

Jill O'Boyle (04:17.633)
And so on the flip side, being around people who are negative, people who are dismissive or draining can also sap your energy, right? They can sap your creativity, your confidence. And if you're like me, you might not even realize it's happening until you are just so completely burned out. You're exhausted. You're frustrated all the time. And you're like, why am I so frustrated? Why am I so?

filled with negativity. So that can be one person as well. So think about that one. Who comes to mind? Who, when you leave their presence, is causing you to feel more frustrated, more angry. Your energy is just zapped after being around that person.

Can you think of who that is? If not, I wanna give you a few different signs that you can be looking for. So some of the signs might be you're constantly drained after interactions with them. There's always gossip, negativity, lack of trust. Maybe you always feel like your ideas just get dismissed or ignored. You feel stuck, like you're spinning your wheels and you just can't ever.

figure out why. Like if any of those feel familiar, it might be time to just take a closer look at your circle. And yes, sometimes that also means making hard, difficult choices.

It's hard to look at somebody and know they've been in your life for a long time, but they are draining you. And it's time to put boundaries in place to protect your energy. It's hard to advocate for yourself at times, but it's so important. But if we go back to what I said before on the flip side, being with the right people can amplify your strength. like, who do you want to surround yourself with? You want to be

Jill O'Boyle (06:24.925)
Amplified and have more happiness and be engaged and be a rock star or do you want to always be filled with negative? Frustration drained energy. I mean you have a choice right you have a choice one of my favorite lines You've always heard me say whatever you're not changing your choosing. So we got a choice in life so we can stay stuck Or we can make an intentional choice But when you're surrounded by people who compliment what you do best, I'm telling you everything in your life is gonna get

It's gonna become more efficient, faster. It's gonna be more enjoyable. So we talked last week on the episode about our top strengths, right? And so I talked to you about my two of my top strengths are communication and woo, W-O-O, winning others over. So I naturally love connecting with people. I love building relationships. I like to rally around

others around their ideas, around their goals. I like to get people motivated to take that next intentional step. And so here's the thing, while I'm great at energizing a team and I'm great at creating connections, I sometimes need people who are amazing though at follow through, amazing at organization, at keeping projects on task.

when I'm paired with someone who complements what I do best, someone who can take my energy and my ideas and then go and turn them into consistent results, like everything then just clicks. Like you look at projects that you work with and you're like, man, when I work with this person, like we just make strides. Like it's easy, it's effortless. It's probably because you guys are balancing your strengths really, really well, right? So.

You want to think about what are my connections in my life that aren't just inspiring, but they're effective, right? So like, I'm not just building relationships for the sake of relationships. I'm wanting to build intentional relationships, intentional relationships that are going to move me forward, but also move them forward that the strengths that they don't have, I can help with and vice versa, right? I want my circle.

Jill O'Boyle (08:47.479)
to have people that are gonna challenge me, they're gonna push me, but they're also gonna make my life so much easier, right? Because they have something that I don't have. Like that's what God honestly calls us to do is to build relationships with people to make life more effortless. I think sometimes we just, we as humans just make life so much more difficult than it really needs to be. And so.

That is honestly the power of just intentionally surrounding yourself with the right people. Like they amplify what you're naturally good at and they help you do more of what you are honestly created and made to do. So how do you begin to think about the people in your circle? Well, here is a simple exercise that, you know, I have done and I recommend that

you you start with is to think about your five closest people in your life, your five closest collaborators, your teammates, your colleagues, like who do you spend the most time with? Who do you spend the most time with? And then ask yourself, do they challenge me in a healthy way? Do they support my growth?

Do they align with my values? Very important. Do they align with my values? And if you don't know your values, let's figure that out first, right? When we know our values, we can make decisions more quickly. We can say yes to the things that are aligned and no to the things that are not. So if you're a people pleaser and a perfectionist, the greatest advice I can give you right now is do a core values exercise. I can actually link that in

the show notes below. It's a quick exercise to dig deeper into what's important to me, what's not. What is my values? So do they align with my values? Rate them on trust, alignment, and energy. And be honest. And once you see that picture, you can start thinking about where you need to start making changes.

Jill O'Boyle (11:10.195)
Where do you need to start setting boundaries? Where do you need to start intentionally seeking new connections? Right? I think God brings people in our lives. You probably heard the same for a reason, a season or a lifetime. And sometimes we don't know what that reason is, but it was, it could have been beneficial for a short time, but now it's a season where God's asking you to let go.

And that's hard, believe me, that is hard. I have walked through those seasons and it's hard. But sometimes you can't grow where God is wanting you to go if you're holding on to people that are not gonna help you grow. And so let's do some storytelling. Let's think about some real life examples. I can go think of so many in my life, but there was a time in my past,

work environment, right? Where I constantly frustrated. Like I felt like my, would bring ideas to the table and they just weren't being heard. There was a lot of negativity. And by the end of the day, I was always just completely drained. It wasn't that my job and the role that I was in was really bad. It was just, there were some people that I was around.

that were affecting that energy. And so I didn't have the option to just ultimately get up and leave my job, right? Or walk away from these coworkers, right? We're gonna be in situations, we're required to work with difficult people, right? That's the nature of life. But here's the reality for a lot of us in corporate settings, like...

we can't pick the people we work with, right? So you're like, Jill, I don't know where you're going with this. I work with frustrating people. I can't just quit my job. What do I do? And I get that, right? So what did I do in that situation? I was in the same situation where I could feel like some of these people were draining my energy. There was negativity. It was always doom and gloom. Ideas were being dismissed.

Jill O'Boyle (13:32.032)
So what do we have to do when we get in those situations where we can't control the external factors, right? Well, we can go internal, right? We can get strategic. And so I could focus on the relationships that I could influence. So if you go back and you think about your strengths, like I leaned into like my strengths, what are my strengths? Communication and woo. I can build rapport, I can find allies, I can create small wins where my ideas could be seen and appreciated.

I can set boundaries to protect my energy when I had to deal with frustrating individuals, right? So a boundary could be as simple as going into a meeting that you know is going to be frustrating and complex and difficult. And one boundary that you can set is an intentional mindset exercise that says, I'm going to walk into this meeting with my energy and I'm gonna walk out with my energy.

I'm gonna walk in with my energy, I'm gonna walk out. You're already setting the intention that I'm gonna be around a room of people that are not my type of people that I really wanna be with, but I can purposely be intentional about how I choose to spend my time there. And if you have somebody in your corporate that is always not protecting your time, you can set boundaries around that. Creating.

Hard stops, if the meeting was from 12 to one and that person always wants to go an extra 30 minutes, like you can be very intentional. I have a hard stop at one o'clock. Right, and set that very early on in the meeting. So there's ways that we can protect our energy and deal with frustrating people. So even if you can't change every person around you, right, we definitely can't do that. We can be intentional about who we invest in.

how you interact with them and where you focus your energy. So that is the power of honestly who you work with. So even when it's not gonna be perfect, we can still show up and we can still protect our energy with these people. And so Melissa shared some other great examples on her podcast of like who you work with. And so if you haven't listened to the episode, the five pillars of happiness, I'd be.

Jill O'Boyle (15:58.326)
recommend that you definitely go back there, listen to some of her also recommendations. And so, you know, I'm kind of talking about work because that was the pillars of workplace happiness, but know that this also can be applied in our day to day lives, right? In our circle of friends, in our community, in our small groups. Like think about who is really lifting you up and align with your values and challenges you in a healthy way.

and make sure that you're being intentional about spending more time with those individuals and begin to set boundaries with those who are contradicting your energy, your negativity and draining you. So they forget what the status, it's like what, you are the average of the five people that you spend the most time with? And so think about that and think about who are you spending the most time with? And I hope

that they are lifting you up. And so I hope today that you are gonna walk away with just more clarity about the people in your life and the energy that they really do bring or not bring, right? And remember, you don't have to tolerate negativity or misalignment. Like your circle matters really more than you may realize, okay? All right, so that completes pillar number three.

Make sure you are sticking around. You're listening to all the pillars. Next episode, we're gonna break down pillar number four. We're gonna dive deeper into the research and the biblical perspective on embracing adversity. We're gonna explore why the challenges you face are actually opportunities in disguise and how leaning into adversity can unlock your growth, which you didn't even know was possible.

That's going to be pillar number four. And then our final episode as we complete this mini series is going to be pillar number five, which is having a race team, the people who support you, who bring different talents and help you win in every area of life. So don't miss these next upcoming episodes. If you missed any of the other ones, go back and listening, go back and listen and just truly thanks for tuning in.

Jill O'Boyle (18:24.149)
If you found today's helpful, I would love if you would just share it with someone in your circle who just might need to hear it. As always, keep showing up, keep being you, keep loving life, go out and just make it a great day.