Finding Calm Amid the Chaos with Dena Farash

Have you ever felt stuck in the hustle of motherhood, wondering how to find calm amid the chaos? In this episode, Jill O’Boyle sits down with Dena Farash to explore how meditation can be a life-changing tool for moms seeking clarity and inner peace. Dena shares her personal journey of moving from overwhelm to calm and how meditation became the cornerstone of her self-care routine.

Together, they discuss:

• How to identify your personal values and prioritize meaningful self-care.
• Why balance isn’t one-size-fits-all and how to focus on what truly matters.
• Simple, practical ways to incorporate meditation into your busy life.
• The power of community and embracing the multifaceted roles of motherhood.

This episode is your invitation to pause, breathe, and rediscover the calm within.

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Transcript

Jill O'Boyle (00:06.446)
All right, well, hello, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Your Life, Your Story Rise Up. I'm your host, Jill O'Boyle. Hey, listen, you are all gonna be so glad that you showed up today to listen to this episode because I have a conversation that I think is gonna truly resonate with you, especially if you're finding yourself constantly juggling a lot right now or you feel like you're just running on empty. Like anybody?

kind of feel that way right now as we approach this holiday season? Yeah, I am right there with you. So today we're gonna dive into the power of meditation, not just as a way to like unwind, but as a life-changing tool that will help you navigate the complexities of motherhood, relationships, and even your career. So our guest today is someone who has experienced this transformation firsthand. Dina is a positive discipline parent educator.

a speaker, an author, a successful online entrepreneur. She's here to share her journey and the pivotal moments when meditation quite literally saved her life, helped her rediscover calm and allowed her to show up more confidently with confidence and clarity in all areas of her life. In today's episode, you can expect an honest conversation about motherhood, marriage, business, and most importantly, how meditation has empowered Dina to thrive.

She's gonna share tools that have helped her maintain a sense of self insanity amidst the chaos of raising three kids, running a business and being present in her relationships. So if you're ready to learn how meditation might be the missing piece in your life puzzle, then let's go, let's dive in. Let's wait no further. Dina, welcome to the show. Thanks so much for having me, Jill. I'm so glad to have you. So glad to connect with you. And I love your mission. I love, I think it was,

I don't know if I found this or I wrote this down last time we talked in my notes, but I have that Dina helps moms feel cool, calm and confident. And I'm like, I want to be cool, calm and confident. Like, let's go. That's right. That's right. We all deserve it, don't we? But we forget along the way. We do. That is absolutely a fact. So I can't wait to dive into your story. But before we do, can you just give us just a little

Jill O'Boyle (02:30.574)
Quick intro, share with the listeners a little bit about yourself and kind of what led you to focus on this work for moms. Absolutely. My name is Dina Farish and I am a mom of three. I am a digital marketing expert that helps women create their impact in the online space. And similar to my meditation journey, both of those things unfolded because I lost my mind.

And I was realizing very quickly that the problem in my house was not the fact that I had two kids back to back. It wasn't the fact that I had a good man who was going out to work every day. In fact, I was the biggest problem in my house. And I didn't get there. I didn't get to that realization through a come to God type of moment. I got there through a lot of ugliness, a lot of screaming, slamming doors.

embarrassing myself and shame, you know, until I was able to realize that I was the problem. But what I found in that, the most empowering thing meant that I also could become the solution. That's super powerful. Super powerful. So, yeah, I remember you sharing that with me when we talked and you shared this that, you know, really that meditation, you know, really saved your life. And you're like, no, literally, like not in a once, but

but twice. And so that's a really strong statement. think for anybody listening, they can glance over that and they can be like, yeah, right, meditation. Like really, I'm just gonna sit my butt on a pillow and it's gonna save my life. I know how powerful this is and I know a little bit of your story, but I know we're gonna dive in deeper. So can you share literally, you shared a little bit just then about what happened in those moments when you lost your mind and like, how did that meditation, was it something that you just embraced?

Was something that you just felt called to was it somebody that spoke something into you like hey, you should try meditation like what happened Yeah, it's a great question. I want to make something really really clear and you'll all get to see that in just a second I am not a perfect person, right? I'm also very much not a soft and gentle walk on flowers type of person I am a rough around the edges Resistance is my love language. I am a straight shooter. I'm a direct

Jill O'Boyle (04:50.508)
I'm a direct person and my energy isn't for everybody. So when I started meditation, it did not change these things about me, right? I didn't become this holy person that shows up in peace and calm at all times. But there were two times, like you shared, in my life where meditation really saved my life. So before I get into the second time that that happened, which was in the midst of motherhood, the first time that happened was in my early 20s.

I was addicted to painkillers and drugs and I needed to, and I was losing friends left and right. I'm from the East coast. Opioid addiction is just absolutely rampant here was when I was growing up and it was just unbelievable to me how many kids that I grew up with that I've known my whole childhood were dropping dead. the scariest part that I didn't realize at the time is that I was making such similar choices to what they were making. So.

I was either going to go to a rehab, Google was baby brand new, right? Because I am a woman in my forties. So which I will say proudly and confidently. Absolutely. Right. It's the whole purpose of life is to continue to live and get older. Google was baby brand new. And a friend of mine suggested to me, said, why don't you make a list of things that you love? And if anybody has experienced addiction, the

that one of the main issues in there is that you lose sight of what you love. lose sight of your values, right? And you just exist in a world, at least I was, I was just existing in a world that ran on when can I get messed up again? And so I had a very, very close friend who's still a soulmate level friend of mine share with me the power of making a list of things that I love. And I also always share this with moms because in the busyness of motherhood and life and career,

we forget to pinpoint our own values and we forget to have touch points in what we love. So this was first impacted me in my early 20s when I was just a complete mess and I had no idea what I loved. But I remember what was on the list was yoga and the beach, right? I'm a New Jersey girl. So going to the Jersey shore is something that I've done my whole life. I knew that I loved yoga. I thought I did at least. I'd only taken a few classes at the gym at the time and I knew I loved the beach.

Jill O'Boyle (07:05.538)
And so I went to Google and I looked up beach and yoga. And what popped up was this opportunity to go live, to go spend some time and trade my time for work at an ashram. And an ashram, I had no idea what it was. I was living right outside of Manhattan, working in the entertainment industry, being a drug addict, functional drug addict. And I sent myself there, sight unseen, not knowing what it was. What is it?

Yep, it turns out. An ashram is actually a spiritual community based on Hinduism and yogic philosophies. Okay. And it is a very strict lifestyle where you need to be up by six o'clock in the morning to meditate for 30 minutes, do their daily devotionals and you end the day in the same exact way. I had no idea what an ashram is. I had knew nothing about Hinduism. And I have never ever besides these yoga classes where I was supposed to close my eyes at the end and relax.

I had never ever experienced meditation. And so I feel in many ways that I was sent there, that God sent me there, because as I shared before, my love language is resistance. So I arrived and I was like, what is this? Who are these people? What is happening? What is this language they are speaking? What are they chanting?

And I remember the first few times sitting in meditation and it was my first invitation in many, a long, long time to really shut my eyes, right? To shut my eyes and just be still with my thoughts. And I remember being in my young twenties and doing that and shutting my eyes and being still with my thoughts and being completely overwhelmed and overtaken by the things that were snowballing in my head. And it was almost like I couldn't escape my thoughts, you know? And they came, were thoughts of judgment, right? Who are these people? What are they doing? What are they thinking about?

Why are we all sitting on a cold floor? Why are we sitting on a tile floor? You know, my butt hurts, my toes are falling asleep. What is happening here, right? And I'm thinking about my life at home. I shared how I had a handful of friends that have passed. Thoughts about their lives are coming into my head. Thoughts about the people I was angry at and resentful for for the loss of their lives. All of these things kept flooding into my mind. And I remember opening my eyes and just thinking, this is terrible. I never want to do this again. But

Jill O'Boyle (09:19.606)
I had dedicated myself to live in this community for 30 days and I had no choice but to show up consistently to these meditations. And so I remember just being really curious and asking people, well, what do you think about? What do you do? Where does your mind go? And I got a varied response, right? And so I really had to create what worked for me. Well, what I realized down there is that the purpose of meditation

was that it was an opportunity to slow down the mind, or as the Bible says, hold the mind captive, if even for a moment, right? Because I was in this state where I wasn't living a conscious life. However, what many of us don't realize are that our thoughts and our emotions are driving the choices that we make. They're driving the emotion, they're driving what is actually appearing in front of us in real life. They're driving our relationships.

And so this was the first time ever in my life where I had the opportunity to tune in and ask myself, what am I thinking? Is this a thought that serves me? Is this a thought I'm gonna continue with? And what can I shift differently so that it actually feels better for me from the inside out? my gosh. That's awesome. And just how God just provided that opportunity where you didn't even know what you were getting into, but something you sensed, right?

I love like talking about intuition and just those moments. And you're right. It's a moment of just kind of calming those thoughts, but it can be scary. So yeah, you're there and you're sitting on that hard floor and you're having all these thoughts come in your head. So 30 days you committed to going into this community and you were there. Talk to me about what happened after those 30 days as you're.

as you're, I'm sure getting more curious, you're starting to get into the flow of this, you're starting to see some things shaping in your mind, right? Your mind's getting a lot quieter when we take time to be still. So what happened next? Yeah, it's a great, great question. So what happened immediately afterwards? This was in the Bahamas, by the way, right? tropical, place.

Jill O'Boyle (11:34.2)
But, and this is the most important thing, that I didn't realize that I was gonna transition afterwards, it wasn't my real life. So I flew back home, my dad picked me up from the airport, it was a rainy day here in New Jersey, and if you know anything about Newark Airport, my dad is driving us, and I've just experienced this serenity for 30 days, right? I've first time in my life where I've ever been able to focus on myself and my thoughts. I was in paradise, literal paradise.

And my dad picks me up on a rainy day in New Jersey and he starts cursing and going nuts about the traffic at the airport. And in that moment I was like, I am back to real life, right? And this is where the test, so to speak, comes in. What I just learned was fabulous and it changed my life, absolutely, but it's not my real life. So what happens next?

And I'll be perfectly honest with you. There were moments where I continued to seek out meditation and that connection that I had experienced in the Bahamas. But very shortly after I got back, I met my now husband. I became a girlfriend, right? I got very, very excited to play housewife. love it. We got married. We had children. And then I found myself in states of despair.

yet again. Because the thing that I forgot all along was to keep up this practice of slowing down my mind, of being intentional with my thoughts and creating that constant connection between a thought emotion paradigm, right? The thought emotion action paradigm. And so for me, I had two children back to back. I think you're in a similar spot, Jill. My kids are 18 months apart and my first one was born and I loved it. I loved being a mom. I got pregnant again. I had my second one and my

whole world, they'll went went topsy turvy upside down. And I was stuck in this place where I didn't want to be just a mom. And I say that without judgment. That was just my truth at the time. There was no way I could continue to be just a mom because I needed an identity outside of motherhood. And also, I actually really love to work. I really love to create I really love to be of service, right. And so I had this purpose outside of motherhood.

Jill O'Boyle (13:50.988)
and I was, and I felt trapped. absolutely felt trapped. And I'll be perfectly honest with you, one day, and my babies are 18 months apart. So I had two babies, you know, I had two toddlers at the same time. I had two in diapers at the same time. I had an infant and a newborn, a toddler and a newborn at the same time. And I had a husband who got up and went to work for us every day so that I could stay home, so that I could have flexibility.

And I hated him for it. I hated him for it. So one day, I was just like waiting for the moment for him. I was counting down the seconds till he walked in the door just so I could go to the supermarket by myself. Like, here you go. Exactly. I'm out. And it's so funny how we trick ourselves, especially in the early stages of motherhood to think like the supermarket is self-care or time alone. It's crazy, right? I know.

I still needed it. I still needed it. I still took advantage of it. And he walked in the door and I said, Hey, Mike, I need 15 minutes to myself. Here are the kids. Everybody's fed, safe, happy. I got to go. And he looked right at me and he said, I'm really sorry to hear that, but I'm meeting my buddy at the gym. And he walked past me and the kids and he went into the shower to get ready for the gym. And when he came out, I ran outside, I had a panic attack. And I just remember looking up to the sky and saying, there is no way God that this is my life.

There's no way. And God said to me in a very New Jersey way, he said, Dina, you have to chill. I remember just being like, chill. What does that even mean? What does that even mean? Right. And God reminded me in that moment, he said, what about meditation? And so what was interesting for me in that moment, in that conversation that I was having with myself and God and the birds outside as my husband was putting on his gym clothes was that I knew that I was in a very vulnerable state.

I knew that I actually could not handle one more thing to do, especially if I was gonna add it to my list and not be able to accomplish it on a regular basis. And so I made a deal with myself in that moment. I said, I will bring meditation back into my life and I will, and my parameters were I will do it for five minutes a day because five minutes I knew I could commit to, five minutes I knew I could accomplish, five minutes I knew that above all else I could create space for that.

Jill O'Boyle (16:14.644)
in my day and feel successful. Yeah. In those moments, what I needed more than anything was to have a system that allowed me to feel successful. Without having that, I would have just continued to feel worse about myself and I would have continued to spiral down. So I told myself in that moment that I was going to commit to this for just five minutes a day. And I was going to do it for 30 days just to see if it made a difference in my life. Yeah. And here you are. And here I am. Yeah. And

And what I share with people very openly is that meditation did not transform me. As I said before, I'm not a walk on flowers type of person. That's not my personality. I'm very East Coast, very East Coast. However, what it did do was in the little moments that I was completely unconscious for, like when I was washing the dishes and not realizing that I was replaying a fight with somebody that I had from six years ago in my head.

And then all of a sudden my babies would walk into the kitchen and need me and I would respond to them. I'd react to them as if they were my enemy in that moment. And so I realized that I would wash dishes and I would look outside at my neighbor's house and I would be in states of judgment. I'd wonder why are their cars never home at the same time? What's their relationship really like? And I was projecting even outside of myself, but I wasn't in a moment. I realized when I was folding laundry,

And my husband, my husband lucky him got three outfit changes a day, but really not lucky him because he was a hardworking man, right? But he got his workout fit, his gym clothes and his house clothes. And I was wearing seven day old sweatpants. Before starting my meditation practice, I did not recognize the fact that every time I folded this man's laundry, I was in states of resentment towards him. Wow. Every time.

Folding a new pair of pants, how nice for Mike, how nice for Mike. He gets to go out to the gym with his friends, how nice for Mike. He gets to go to work by himself. How nice, right? How nice for Mike. And I'd never recognized that even when I was doing these mundane tasks, I was also bringing up thoughts and emotions of being resentful to the man who gave me the opportunity to do that. I didn't realize that when I was in the shower,

Jill O'Boyle (18:28.032)
I was sitting there planning and prodding and I was packing a diaper bag that wasn't physically in front of me and I was in states of stress and survival, even in those moments where I'm naked in the shower and I could do nothing else. And so what the five minutes of meditation started to do for me is it started to slowly shed light on the fact that my thoughts were running my life and I was not running my life. That's good. That's good. Yeah, think we need, there's so much to just unpack.

what you just said here. But the biggest thing that I just heard too is just our thoughts can really take us captive. And that's what was happening in those moments. You're noticing how dark, you know, folding laundry, you see your husband's pants and all of a sudden it's like, has, you know, he gets to go out and do this. He gets to do this. And we, if we don't take those captive, they can spiral. And then those thoughts, like you said earlier, can lead to habits and they can lead to, you know,

decisions and actions, or we can be like, where is that thought coming from? And what do I need to do to address that? And that's the process of quieting that mind and finding those moments of stillness. I want to ask you about the moment when you left Serenity in the Bahamas and then to the moment that you met your husband, how, what, was the timeline there? Was that a couple of years or was it? It was a few months. Okay.

So it was almost like God brought you to this place of serenity where you could quiet your mind. And then as you came out of that, that awesome environment, you were in a new, I would say probably a new piece of mind. And he brought you this, your husband, which was awesome. Right. And, you're super grateful. Then what transpired is you start having kids, right? So from the moment of like, when was that next breakdown for you was

from the time that you went to the, I'd call it a breakdown, but like where you're running outside and God tells you to chill out. Like how long was that span? Yeah. So great question. I'm going to reframe it in the tiniest bit because my time at the ashram wasn't so much serenity because I was so damaged and so disconnected to anything outside and even inside of myself. But one of my biggest lessons from the ashram was that of surrender.

Jill O'Boyle (20:50.956)
Right? So it wasn't necessarily serenity for me, but it was finally the breaking down and being able to give myself over to a power that wasn't me. Right? And so God brought me there to learn surrender. And it wasn't until I lost my mind again. And it was really after I had my second child who's still to this day, I call my biggest blessing, right? Because his birth was the catalyst for my constant growth and my constant evolution. Right?

And after that, when I started my second meditation practice, again, it was acceptance, right? And one of the biggest things that I failed to see before I brought my meditation practice in into motherhood was the many blessings that I had been given. I had healthy children. That is the most, that is the biggest blessing in my life. The fact that I have now three, but I had healthy children. I had a husband who

never gave me a hard time about wanting to be the primary caretaker for my children. So he got up and went to work when he wasn't feeling well, when he would have rather stayed in bed, when he also didn't sleep the night before. And I was so caught up in the day to day that I missed all of those things. I missed the opportunities to show gratitude and appreciation for those things all the time.

because I was stuck in this state of survival, which really just meant my thoughts were controlling my emotions. My emotions were controlling the environment that I was creating for myself. Yeah. I relate to you so much, Dina, because I was in a very similar spot. And it was right after my second child too. But it was in a moment where the thought came to my mind, just like yours as a high achiever who likes

you know, always was hustling, always busy, which I, you know, now I'm on a complete opposite of helping women, you know, unsubscribe from the hustle. But that was my mindset back then. And it was where I got my worth from. And so the thought that came in my head and just like you was, well, you're you're just a mom now, Joe. This is all you got. And I I did not like that. And that one little thought. And my two kids are my whole world right now. Right. I mean, couldn't imagine my life.

Jill O'Boyle (23:09.548)
And so it hurts that I had that thought, but that, this is all I get to do. Like, and A, that's not true. That's a lie of an enemy, but it took me captive. And I was like, no, I'm not gonna be just a mom in a minivan. No, and you know, spiraled my life out of control and reached for the alcohol to numb it and all the distractions. I mean, so I so relate to this and I don't think we're alone.

I think there's a lot of other women that are much like ourselves. And so I want to dive into that, because I know a lot of moms feel torn between being a mom and caring for our family, but also then pursuing their own goals and their own personal goals. And then we have this whole mom guilt. well, then they take it to the other extreme. Like, no, I can't do that because then I'm guilty that I'm not being with my mom.

How do we balance this? Like you are an entrepreneur, an author, you've navigated all of these, so you've lived it, you've been here. So how do we balance this motherhood with our career and how have you learned to manage this and embrace it without that guilt-free, just being able to be guilt-free?

So you asked so many wonderful, wonderful things in this. And my first go-to always is that even though I spent many years teaching mindfulness and meditation is that balance is not a thing. We have been taught as women that we should always be seeking out balance. And it's another distraction from what's already inside of us because balance is completely subjective. What balance means to me is very different than what balance means to you.

Nobody can define it. And we're constantly placing our hope in this word balance, which is outside of us, right? That's outside of our control because who even knows what balance is. But what is inside of us, what we can control once we understand what our values are, is what our priorities are, right? So it's not balance. It's understanding our priorities and giving ourselves the grace and permission to allow those priorities to shift and change from day to day.

Jill O'Boyle (25:26.018)
Right? So for example, when my children are home in the morning, my priority is to make them lunch. It's to make them breakfast. It's to have my time with them. That is my priority. When my children are at school, my priority is to be on the computer. It's to support other women. It's to be creative in creating online spaces and businesses. Sometimes, even when my children are at school, my priority is to go to the gym and work on my own physical and mental health.

And then when my children get home from school, I know you and I are both very busy with sports and after school activities, but when my children get home from school, I shift my priority yet again to being a mom, right? And I have learned how to compartmentalize these things, but most importantly, I've learned to give myself permission for allowing my priorities to shift day to day, moment to moment, depending on what is needed of me and within me at those times. Yeah.

That's so good. That's so good. I totally agree with you on the balance thing. I always say it's an integration, right? It's a work life integration. Like how do you make your life work for you? And I totally relate to that with two very active boys and working from home, right? Like I know that they're gonna come in, one's gonna be here at 2.30, the other one's gonna be at four. And so I have just structured my day to have those breaks, know, and reminders on my calendar at two o'clock, hey, heads up.

You probably whatever you're working on right now, you probably need to wind down because your nine year old is going to come in here and it's going to need a snack and he's going to have kids coming in and out of the house. Like, so just reframing it. Like, so I need to be productive in the morning. Right. So I love that. I love that. So I want to get a little bit practical for the, for the listeners that are listening that are feeling chaos a little bit in their life right now.

Holidays are approaching too. So I think this is very timely advice for you to give them on how do we embrace this meditation? What were some steps that you did? I know you mentioned like just starting with five minutes, literally, like it doesn't have to be a whole process and the way that other people show it on social media, right? But what are some, you know, practical things that would help or maybe that you did to slowly embrace the stillness of meditation? I think

Jill O'Boyle (27:45.494)
I think the digital age has given meditation the wrong impression of what it actually is because I've spoken to many women, especially when I was fully immersed in teaching mindfulness and meditation, they would say, Dina, my meditation room is almost ready. As soon as I'm done creating that room, I can start to meditate. And I'd be like, what are you talking about? What are you talking about? And I just want to be really clear, even though I started with five minutes, this is my honest, my...

What honestly happened to me is that sometimes five minutes felt like it went really fast and it felt like 30 seconds, but sometimes five minutes felt like 55 minutes. And I was tormented by my own thoughts within that time until I learned the truth about what meditation actually is. And what meditation really is, is just connecting to our breath, even just one breath at a time. So if we all can just take a moment to pause.

to actually feel our breath come into our body and it's gonna come in through our nose, our chest or our belly. Feel it come in and follow it as it goes out. That is meditation. So it's available and accessible to all of us at all times. We just forget that we have to be intentional and deliberate for it. Right, yeah. Right, and so one of the things that impacted my life the most outside of really understanding the true definition of what meditation is

is understanding those moments that for me, it's early morning where it's most important for me to start my day this way. And I'll give a little example because this just happened in my real life the other day. I went to the bathroom as we do in the middle of the night, right? Sometimes we wake up and it's two, know, it's 2 17 and we go to the bathroom. And I noticed that I was thinking about all of the meetings that I had coming up for the day. And so as I'm sitting there, it's dark, right? It's dark, I know.

I can consciously tell you it's the middle of the night, right? I can consciously tell you this is just a break in between my rest periods. just have to, my body just has to get rid of this. But my mind was like, you know what you need right now? You need to be in the future, right? So my mind was instantly like, let's think about your 10 o'clock today and then the three other calls that you have right after that. And I had to reel it back in and say, no mind, I'm just peeing at 2.17 in the morning right now.

Jill O'Boyle (30:08.59)
Right? And so one of the things that I tell myself in those moments is I'm breathing in, I'm breathing out. And that is the only thought I will allow myself to have. listen, as thoughts will come in, even though I can tell you I'm controlling it, thoughts still come in and then you have a choice, but we don't realize we have a choice. I can continue to follow that thought and I can think about my 10 o'clock call and the three other calls and the fact that like you, have to leave at 2 30 to go start school, pick up and all those things.

or I can reframe that and I can be a little bit harder on myself. Say I'm breathing in, I'm breathing out and only allow myself to sit with that thought and constant. And when thoughts do creep in, cause they will constantly bring myself back to that place of just saying, I'm breathing in, I'm breathing out. And it's so simplistic and it sounds so silly, but it works. does.

It's it's so does. I laugh earlier because I it's so true. Like immediately upon waking up, how many crazy thoughts go through our head? I mean, it's just I wish there would be something that would show that it's like like a tracking of your. That'd be scary, actually. That'd be really. All right. But it's like I have caught myself like actually waking up and, you know, starting to pray. And then all of sudden I'm like.

I'm sorry, God. I just started thinking about what I was having for breakfast, what was going on and who I was recording with today and this and this and this. Okay, let me refocus. And so I love that. Like, no pause, stop. Breathe in, Jill. Breathe out. Breathe in. And resets it. I love that. And that's all it is. And then also understanding that you do make a choice to continue to let your thoughts snowball. It's not a conscious choice, so we don't recognize.

but you can continue to feed into them or you can continue to go back to bed, right? At 2 18 when I was done with the bathroom, what I really needed was to go back to sleep so that I could be the best version of myself the next morning. If I had allowed myself to think about the next day schedule, I would have been up. I would have been up and that was it. 2 17 was my wake up time and that's it. And for me as a mom, especially what I've recognized is that I am very sensitive to how my mornings start.

Jill O'Boyle (32:30.38)
This is the most selfish time of my day because in order for me to be of service to my children, to be of service to my husband, to be of service to my clients and the other people that are in the online space with me, I like to the best of my ability to start my day off with peace and calm and connection. Yeah. And how great is your day when you do that? Right. I mean, it's much better than when I don't. my gosh. than when I don't. Yeah.

No, I relate to so much what you are saying because I've, I know it works because I do it. And it was in a rock bottom moment in my life where it was the only thing. was the biggest game changer of my life when I finally said, how in the hell did I get get here? And what do what do what do I need to change? Like what habits am I allowing that I need to start like really changing? And the biggest thing for me was

was that I felt like in those moments of having two young kids, I had no time for me. And I think what you said earlier is like, we go from these environments where all of sudden we're just pushed into the next thing and we make that next thing our biggest priority and we forget that, no, no, Like it's great that we welcome children in our life, but that doesn't mean that we don't still take care of ourselves. And I think so many of our...

so many moms just tendency. just are like, okay, I have a child now. Like this is my main priority and my husband is my main priority, you know, and we forget about ourselves. And I was in that moment and it was like, I just need five minutes to myself. I five minutes to sit on this chair and drink my coffee without somebody crawling on me or needing something or whining. And so that's how my journey started with stillness. And just like you, it started with five minutes and then I now it's

it's usually 30 minutes to an hour because it's just, that's what I need. I need to get super zoned in and it's the days that I don't do it or the days that I end up sleeping in or, or saying, I'll just snooze. The days are chaotic. I can't stand to wake up at the same time as my kids wake up. just, it just doesn't, the house doesn't flow as well. So. Yeah, that is.

Jill O'Boyle (34:49.601)
That is the true definition of self-care. We're taught this lie that self-care is getting our nails done and going out with our girlfriends and all of those things are cathartic and maybe help us feel good and confident. However, if you are getting your nails done and scrolling on social media, if you're going out with your girlfriends and gossiping and putting yourself in low vibration conversations and connections, that is not self-care. That's actually taking the little bit of peace that we have within.

And again, giving our power away to something that doesn't matter. I work on social media. I love social media. And I will be the first person that tells you that social media doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's not your real life. It is fueled with distractions, right? And yet we also willingly cling to it. And many of us do it the second we open our eyes. Exactly. And that's a great, great point because that was one of the biggest

biggest habits that I changed in my life because instantly my life was controlled by my calendar completely. I wasn't in control of my calendar. My calendar controlled enrolled me. so immediately upon waking up and many people's alarm clocks are on their phone. So you have this social device in your. And so immediately it was checking the calendar, checking the emails, checking social media in that order. What's going on today? my gosh. Look at all the emails that just came through. That's already anxiety now.

Now let me just scroll on social media while I get ready. Okay, let's fill ourselves with more anxiety because we have all of these lies that are absolutely fake, but we believe that they're true and their house and their kids and everybody else is so much better than you. And then we start our day. And how is that day gonna start? Great, no. It doesn't. No, it's gonna start with stress, survival and judgment. The three things that we choose to do, right? When we go to the phone god, right? When we go to the phone god and say,

Hey, let me, where do I have to emotionally tap into today? And then we wonder why moms are burnt out. We're anxious, right? We feel like we don't have balance, right? Or priorities in check because we just have never taken the time to say, I don't need this the first hour that I wake up. Yeah. Yeah. So I encourage everybody listening right now. Like if you, especially as we approach the holidays, because there's just, it's a beautiful time. It really is.

Jill O'Boyle (37:11.362)
You can make it beautiful or you can make it really hectic. You have a choice, but why not? If you are feeling that anxiety, feeling the stress, you're feeling the overwhelm. If you're feeling just like the weight of the world is on you, then why don't you take some advice that Dina has just been sharing and just try it for five minutes. When you wake up immediately take some time to just breathe in, breathe out. Just.

Calm everything that's going on and just don't reach for that phone. Take that time for you and like fill it up and just watch. Yeah. And know too, as imperfect flawed human beings as we are, even in those five minutes, your thoughts are going to come in. And so what you can do is just recognize those thoughts without judgment, right? Because what do we love to do as women? my thoughts are going again. See, Dina said we just need to calm our minds and I can't do it.

But it's a choice. It's a choice, right? To go to that next level of thought and say, here I go again. See, know meditation's not right for me. That thought is a choice. We can always choose to return back to just feeling our breath in and feeling it out. And all you need is one breath repeated over time to get in these states of surrender and serenity. Yeah, that's good. So I...

I hesitate to ask this because it involves the phone, might not be good, but I was curious if you use any kind of app or music or anything when you were starting in this or at that community, did they have anything that was helpful for people who really do struggle with silence that can get them into a place of feeling more at peace?

Yeah, so at the ashram, absolutely not. It is in meditation. So you are just a victim to your own thoughts and it can be terrorizing. It can really, really be terrorizing when you actually have a moment to sit there and recognize which way you're actually allowing to swirl around in your head. However, when I teach meditation, right, because a lot of times we've grown up being scared of silence because it is scary to see what we're allowing inside of us, right?

Jill O'Boyle (39:24.062)
so if sitting in silence, it doesn't work for you. That is my app, my personal absolute favorite because it gives me the opportunity to consistently remind myself to bring my focus back to my breath. Yeah. If that doesn't work for you, however, YouTube has tons of incredible guided meditations. There's also something called binarial beats, which are beautiful frequencies that God has created that help lift our vibration. Right.

and all of those things are accessible and available, we just have to be the willing participants to start and take the action. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly it. And that's the whole key. mean, a lot of times us women that are hustling all the time or busy all the time, it's because we're running from something. We really are running from something. So I encourage you to ask yourself, what are you running from that's stopping you from just sitting down for a minute?

And maybe that's it. you grab a journal, grab a pen, that worked for me. And have some guided questions and just write that on your paper right now. What am I running from? And then tomorrow morning, get up and close your eyes and meditate on that question and just see what the Holy Spirit might bring to you. So really good. Okay. So Dina, you have transitioned right now into, you said helping women with their presence on social media, their business. Talk a little bit about

your business and then also what's the best place for women to connect with you as well or follow? Like you said before, one of the things I also got hung up on very, and it brought me down was this thought of, guess I'm just a mom now. I guess I'm just a mom now, right? Outside of blessings and the beauty in it. And that killed me. Right. And so what I did when I started this meditation practice, I'll share real briefly, is I just started talking about it on.

And wouldn't you know, there were other women, other moms in particular that also wanted to talk about this. So what that allowed me to do was create communities of moms. And at the time my group was called the Mindful Mom Revolution, but it allowed me to create online communities and host workshops in person and in the virtual space that allowed me to grow, connect, have conversations with people and learn how to master the art of the digital space.

Jill O'Boyle (41:38.754)
So what I do now is I work with the moms that are also in this state of transition and saying, there's more to me than just motherhood, right? Because it's not just a mom. The reality is we're layered human beings and even though motherhood might be our main purpose, And it's not the only part of us, right? And so a lot of moms struggle with, I want to be just more than a mom, but there's more to me than just this, but I'm just stuck in this.

And so my belief is if God has put a vision in your heart for what's available to you, it's because it is accessible for you in this lifetime. And so I help women, moms in particular, create their next step, create the next layers of what they do and who they are of service to and teach them how to do it in the online space so that they can be a mom first. That's the way I look at it. I don't say to myself, I'm just a mom.

anymore, I say I am a mom first. And everything else I have created allows me to still feel creative, feel valued, feel accomplished, and most importantly, be of service to other people while being able to be of service to my family first. Yeah. I love that. I love it. I love when people just take their experiences and life experiences that they've gone through and it becomes a passion, right? And it becomes a purpose and it's

And I think that's how God uses us all is through our life experiences and to go out and help others. so what not better to learn from somebody who has gone through it herself, right? Like you went through this, you're on the online space and I encourage you all to follow Dina. I love you because you're just authentic and real. And you spoke life to me.

The first time that we met, was like a godly, divine time where I was going through something and you just shared something when we were talking. And it was like, I needed to hear that. Just show up, Jill, as you are. And who cares what other people think about you? And if they do have a problem with you, well, guess what? They're not the right client for you. And I'm like, very good point. Take it.

Jill O'Boyle (43:55.214)
We are not here to please everybody, but we are here to be called to somebody and lots of people, I'm sure. So thank you for your work that you do and thank you for sharing your story. That is the whole purpose of this podcast is to bring others along for a journey of sharing real life stories that we can all relate to. And so yours is definitely relatable. So thank you so much, Dina. Appreciate it. And did you mention best place to connect with you?

Best place to connect with me is on Facebook. On my personal page, please find me and follow me at Deena Farish. I share a lot and I am always loving opportunities to connect with other ambitious women, especially those ambitious moms that are looking to create their sense of sanity, right? And purpose in the world while being able to be a mom first. Love it. Love it. Thanks for having me. right. Thanks for coming. Appreciate it.